My last week at home

This is my last week of maternity leave. I return to work on Monday, Sept 14th. I'm trying to savor every second of my time at home. My maternity leave has been completely enjoyable. You know how Oprah and all these other people are always saying to "make every day count"? Well, for the first time in my life, I can truly say that every day has counted. Every day is a great one because I get to wake up to the faces I love, Kevin and Sydney (usually, it's Sydney's face I see first!) and then I get to take care of my little lady all day. A lot of people warned me about how hard this would be and how tired I'd be, but I have to say that even though it's been hard and a little bit tiring, the joy she brings to me trumps all of it. So far here is what I love about motherhood and being home:

being needed
seeing Sydney's different facial expressions
seeing how much happiness she brings to our families
dressing her up in her cute little outfits
hearing her laugh in her sleep
showing her off everywhere I go
dreaming about what her future holds
the times when I get a GOOD burp out of her (I feel so successful in those times!)
wearing yoga pants or jeans every day
cuddle times
her noises...sneezes, snoring, squeaking, and "talking"

Things I feel I need as a new mother:
a spa day
or even just a quiet bath at home
formula coupons!
encouragement and affirmations
a better memory
a cleaning lady (or man!)

Things I don't like about being a mother:
washing bottles

That's it. I really don't like washing bottles. Each bottle has 5 pieces to it and my hands are drying out from being in hot hot water all the time.

So now, motherhood is going to change, as I will have to entrust others with caring for my girl. I'm not ready for it. I will never be ready for it, but it's a reality I have to deal with. I intend to try and make the most of the time I do have, every evening, weekend and day off.

Gotta go! Baby's crying!

Daycare

Kevin and I have been doing an expedited research project in trying to find a daycare for Sydney. Our previous daycare plans are not going to work out, so we've been trying to do this quickly. I think we've settled on a place close to our home. We really liked the lady in the infant room; she was a loving motherly-type and seemed like she genuinely cares about the babies. The facility could be more up-to-date, but right now we're more concerned with having a loving provider. When she gets a little older, we'll worry more about facility and curriculum and things like that.

It's been really hard coming to terms with putting Sydney in daycare. It's not that I think all daycares are bad; it's just this conviction I have about knowing that the very best thing for Sydney is to be at home with a parent. And I want the best for her. I worry that someday she will feel I have abandoned her. It seems like everyone I know with kids has the ability for mom to be at home, and while I know being a stay-at-home mom is a hard unpaid job, I can't help but be somewhat envious of those who can afford to make it work. I've thought about whether or not we can truly afford for one of us to stay home, and it just doesn't seem possible. So, plan B is daycare. I've done a lot of crying and feeling guilty about doing this. People tell me I'll feel better about it down the road. I sure hope so.