This is my last week of maternity leave. I return to work on Monday, Sept 14th. I'm trying to savor every second of my time at home. My maternity leave has been completely enjoyable. You know how Oprah and all these other people are always saying to "make every day count"? Well, for the first time in my life, I can truly say that every day has counted. Every day is a great one because I get to wake up to the faces I love, Kevin and Sydney (usually, it's Sydney's face I see first!) and then I get to take care of my little lady all day. A lot of people warned me about how hard this would be and how tired I'd be, but I have to say that even though it's been hard and a little bit tiring, the joy she brings to me trumps all of it. So far here is what I love about motherhood and being home:
being needed
seeing Sydney's different facial expressions
seeing how much happiness she brings to our families
dressing her up in her cute little outfits
hearing her laugh in her sleep
showing her off everywhere I go
dreaming about what her future holds
the times when I get a GOOD burp out of her (I feel so successful in those times!)
wearing yoga pants or jeans every day
cuddle times
her noises...sneezes, snoring, squeaking, and "talking"
Things I feel I need as a new mother:
a spa day
or even just a quiet bath at home
formula coupons!
encouragement and affirmations
a better memory
a cleaning lady (or man!)
Things I don't like about being a mother:
washing bottles
That's it. I really don't like washing bottles. Each bottle has 5 pieces to it and my hands are drying out from being in hot hot water all the time.
So now, motherhood is going to change, as I will have to entrust others with caring for my girl. I'm not ready for it. I will never be ready for it, but it's a reality I have to deal with. I intend to try and make the most of the time I do have, every evening, weekend and day off.
Gotta go! Baby's crying!
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
Daycare
Kevin and I have been doing an expedited research project in trying to find a daycare for Sydney. Our previous daycare plans are not going to work out, so we've been trying to do this quickly. I think we've settled on a place close to our home. We really liked the lady in the infant room; she was a loving motherly-type and seemed like she genuinely cares about the babies. The facility could be more up-to-date, but right now we're more concerned with having a loving provider. When she gets a little older, we'll worry more about facility and curriculum and things like that.
It's been really hard coming to terms with putting Sydney in daycare. It's not that I think all daycares are bad; it's just this conviction I have about knowing that the very best thing for Sydney is to be at home with a parent. And I want the best for her. I worry that someday she will feel I have abandoned her. It seems like everyone I know with kids has the ability for mom to be at home, and while I know being a stay-at-home mom is a hard unpaid job, I can't help but be somewhat envious of those who can afford to make it work. I've thought about whether or not we can truly afford for one of us to stay home, and it just doesn't seem possible. So, plan B is daycare. I've done a lot of crying and feeling guilty about doing this. People tell me I'll feel better about it down the road. I sure hope so.
It's been really hard coming to terms with putting Sydney in daycare. It's not that I think all daycares are bad; it's just this conviction I have about knowing that the very best thing for Sydney is to be at home with a parent. And I want the best for her. I worry that someday she will feel I have abandoned her. It seems like everyone I know with kids has the ability for mom to be at home, and while I know being a stay-at-home mom is a hard unpaid job, I can't help but be somewhat envious of those who can afford to make it work. I've thought about whether or not we can truly afford for one of us to stay home, and it just doesn't seem possible. So, plan B is daycare. I've done a lot of crying and feeling guilty about doing this. People tell me I'll feel better about it down the road. I sure hope so.
Sunday, August 30, 2009
Yet another blog
Well, I wasn't sure if I'd do this but, I've decided to write a new blog. Its topic will be motherhood. My first thought about blogging on this topic was absolutely not to do it. I mean, really, there must be about a million women writing about the same topic. Then it occurred to me that all of these women are having unique experiences and so would I; why not put it in writing (or type as it were)? Plus I really like blogging. I hope there are some who may even be interested in reading my thoughts.
My first blog about motherhood is actually going to be about my mom. I am so fortunate to have had a mom who was able to stay home to raise her kids. This is such a priceless gift; nowadays, it feels so impossible to be able to do so. (Now, some stay-at-home moms may beg to differ that staying home is a gift, but I personally think many of those women will look back on their lives and have no regrets about it.) Some of my favorite memories about childhood hinge on the fact that my mom was home. She was there when I came home from school. We spent the summers with her. When my brothers and dad went to Boy Scout camp, it always felt so special to be just me and my mom.
I remember that in my childhood, my mom was such a cool lady. All of my friends liked her because she was fun and just dripping with nice-ness. She was just such a pleasure to be around. Very rarely did I see her unhappy. Life goes on, and as I grew older, of course I realized that moms aren't always just happy. They're maybe just really good at hiding discontentment from their children; they don't want to impose their problems on their kids.
That being said, now that I'm older I see my mom in a different light. I see that maybe the years have been hard on her. Maybe she has some regrets about choices she made in life. (Who doesn't!?) I think she sees herself as weak or vulnerable. I completely disagree; I think she has inner strength that would surprise her if she tapped into it. I hope she knows that she was and is so important to me. I hope she realizes that I know she's not perfect, but she is the perfect person to be my mom. I know my appreciation for her will grow as I go through my experience as a mom. I hope Sydney will feel the same way about me, as I do about my mom.
My mom and I don't really express our love for each other. It's definitely unspoken and always has been; I'm not sure why. Oddly, this is ok. I think we care for each other so deeply that it's emotionally overwhelming for us to even think about saying the words. Maybe this is why it's easier to blog about it. I know my mom is probably going to read this; I hope she does.
I wish my mom and I could live close to each other. We don't because I've made the choice to move to various places, most currently CT, while she is in MI. Recently, my mom and dad had intentions of moving to CT, and my mom even came to stay with us for a while but decided to go home. Although I wish she had chosen to stay here, I completely understand her choice. Making such a big move is incredibly difficult, but I give her a lot of credit for even trying it out. It was definitely out of her comfort zone to take such a leap and most people probably won't have done it. I hope she knows that no matter where she is, she has a daughter who thinks the world of her.
My first blog about motherhood is actually going to be about my mom. I am so fortunate to have had a mom who was able to stay home to raise her kids. This is such a priceless gift; nowadays, it feels so impossible to be able to do so. (Now, some stay-at-home moms may beg to differ that staying home is a gift, but I personally think many of those women will look back on their lives and have no regrets about it.) Some of my favorite memories about childhood hinge on the fact that my mom was home. She was there when I came home from school. We spent the summers with her. When my brothers and dad went to Boy Scout camp, it always felt so special to be just me and my mom.
I remember that in my childhood, my mom was such a cool lady. All of my friends liked her because she was fun and just dripping with nice-ness. She was just such a pleasure to be around. Very rarely did I see her unhappy. Life goes on, and as I grew older, of course I realized that moms aren't always just happy. They're maybe just really good at hiding discontentment from their children; they don't want to impose their problems on their kids.
That being said, now that I'm older I see my mom in a different light. I see that maybe the years have been hard on her. Maybe she has some regrets about choices she made in life. (Who doesn't!?) I think she sees herself as weak or vulnerable. I completely disagree; I think she has inner strength that would surprise her if she tapped into it. I hope she knows that she was and is so important to me. I hope she realizes that I know she's not perfect, but she is the perfect person to be my mom. I know my appreciation for her will grow as I go through my experience as a mom. I hope Sydney will feel the same way about me, as I do about my mom.
My mom and I don't really express our love for each other. It's definitely unspoken and always has been; I'm not sure why. Oddly, this is ok. I think we care for each other so deeply that it's emotionally overwhelming for us to even think about saying the words. Maybe this is why it's easier to blog about it. I know my mom is probably going to read this; I hope she does.
I wish my mom and I could live close to each other. We don't because I've made the choice to move to various places, most currently CT, while she is in MI. Recently, my mom and dad had intentions of moving to CT, and my mom even came to stay with us for a while but decided to go home. Although I wish she had chosen to stay here, I completely understand her choice. Making such a big move is incredibly difficult, but I give her a lot of credit for even trying it out. It was definitely out of her comfort zone to take such a leap and most people probably won't have done it. I hope she knows that no matter where she is, she has a daughter who thinks the world of her.
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